Cast out just to be hated
by Torn Cardboardbox
Summary: [Kikyou POV] Kikyou looks back of her life, story of her past life. [Oneshot] [Spoiler 147, 148 and 151]


A/N: This is Kikyou's POV of her life. I suggest Kikyou haters read this. Why? So you can understand her, if not read the message she has for you at the end of this chapter.

Spoiler for episode 147-148 and 151.

Disclaimer: I will not and never own Inuyasha.

_Cast out to be hated..._

**One-Shot**

They will never understand my pain… I wish to be in peace… But the threads of fate can't be untangled; I will remain what I am. I am the tragic, undead priestess, Kikyou. I know few people wish for me dead, but I must complete the task. Let Naraku gather the jewel shards and let him die for what he had gathered.

Everything seems like yesterday. I was borne and raised as a miko; I studied herbs and ways of a priestess. My parents died from a terrible fire, I was left with Kaede when I was 14. Life was hard but I continue to fend for my sister and me. Everything started when Tsubaki and I was requested to destroy the demons that plague the village, unfortunately that my younger sister Kaede ran in the middle of the battlefield. I was able to protect my dear sister from harm and killed the demons.

I'm a traveling miko with my sister, we walk by feet and I would sometimes teach Kaede how to be miko. We were leaving the village, when Tsubaki spoke to us.

"A miko shows her true power once she throws away her feelings. But as a woman, you probably fall in love." Tsubaki warned.

I merely expect something more well than that, but it sound more of a challenge. Tsubaki soon place the curse when her eyes flash red. She warned me again, but this time is what the curse will do.

"Don't forget. Don't fall in love. Don't be loved by a man. If you ever meet such a man, you will die an unnatural death." Tsubaki said smoothly.

I have kept that thought in mind, vowing not to fall for a man. But it wasn't foreseen, never thought that I would have fallen in love so easily…

When I came to the village I reside, they told me that demon taijyia come to visit me. That one night had change everything for me, with one small object turn my destiny to a life I didn't expected.

The Shikon no Tama was place in my care, life seems to get more harder for each passing moment. Demons attack everyday for the jewel, until one fateful night. I was battling tremendous demons, worn out from the exhausting attack. I have sense another presence, behind a tree.

That is when I first met Inuyasha, he was human though when we met. At first, I thought he was someone after the jewel. But he has no idea what is the Shikon no Tama, I warned him never to come near me. I was so weak that collapse into the mud, I was relief when he didn't kill me.

I wandering around for some herbs, when I heard a familiar voice. I remember him; he was that human I met last night. He had a different youki, half human and half demon. I pinned him against a tree, he mocks me after our conversation was done. I warned him again the second time, he yet continues to taunt me.

I fought off another threat to get the jewel, but he never left me alone. Asking for the Shikon no Tama. Suddenly I felt pity towards him for his existence is neither youkai nor human as we spoke. I couldn't kill him as if my heart cried out not to kill him, to accept him, to fall in love with him… But I will never fall in love; I have made the vow now I have to keep it. But things had gotten harder for me.

Bathing is now my hobby; I wanted to get the blood of different youkai so that Inuyasha can't complain. I always felt his presence whenever I bathe, I felt nervous but I shook it off. At least he didn't saw me naked.

I have found out that Inuyasha saved my sister, destroying the centipede. But I want it to be sealed; we place the bones in the bone eater well. It revives every time the jewel came close to it.

I knew that he always watch me whenever I was out of the village or in. I thanked him and told him why I didn't kill him. He gave me an answer I didn't expected; he didn't feel the same for me, so it doesn't matter as long as I don't fall in love. But when he said that was going to give me a gift, I thought of a perfect gift for him.

That night, I was working on the Kotodama beads just to be secured around him. I was happy for what I am doing, and I felt excitement for the first time when I guarded over the jewel. I didn't care of the consequences that Tsubaki's curse placed on me; I don't fear it anymore because it is unlike to die an unnatural death. I pondered what was he going to give me tomorrow.

He gave me a lipstick, place in a clam. It was his mothers'. I was felt guilty for shooting arrows through the cloth that his mother gave him, I apologize for it. I didn't want to give him the rosary; I thought it is a horrible gift than what he gave me. He said I could keep it; I treasured it afterwards when we left.

I tried on the lipstick, hoping I didn't wake up my sister. I looked beautiful with the lipstick that Inuyasha gave me, but I felt a sting of guilt when I wore it.

Throughout seasons, he continues to watch over me. I knew every time that familiar aura hits me, relaxing me for every moment. I usually tend to a bandit Onigumo who happen to be burned, after a few months when I met Inuyasha. I secretly treat him, because I knew Inuyasha would be jealous if he knew.

I was request to exterminate a demon in the north. I told him to come along, seeing that I'm getting weaker and I need help. I came back to the village, when Kaede told me what Onigumo said. I pitied him as I care for him, he will never move from that spot where he is. Never able to move, and live his life in despair.

I continue to grow weaker from Tsubaki's curse; I didn't notice at first. I fell in love with Inuyasha, making my spirital powers wane. Tsubaki pay a visit when I gaze at the beauty of the cherry blossoms, she accept to take the jewel. But it was futile; I didn't want to take someone lives yet. Maybe Tsubaki is right about me grown too soft.

I was teaching Kaede about sealing demons, warning about not placing a demon on Goshinboku. The tree place through time, and nothing decomposed on it. Suddenly large amount of demons, they have attack the village. But at the process, injuring Kaede's left eye. I kept my guard up and apologize to Kaede afterwards.

After that, I invited Inuyasha. I ask him that day if he wanted to be human; we talked about it, telling him this made me feel joy. I wanted him to accepted by people he would like, I thought of that day was wonderful. I accidentally tripped over a loose board, landed on him. He pulls me into an embrace that I wanted to last forever, and he agreed to be human. To be with me as human, my heart leaped, kissing him passionately.

I told him to visit me in front of Goshinboku in the western forest, tomorrow afternoon. Giving him the Shikon no Tama and to fulfill his wishes to be human. How foolish I was back then.

I prayed to the jewel for Inuyasha's wish to be promising, I getting prepare for the day to come. I rushed where we were supposed to meet, but he wasn't there. I walk into the fields hoping he was there. He wasn't there either; I plan to put up some make-up for the time being.

As I was putting the make-up that Inuyasha gave me, Inuyasha attacked me but it was really Naraku. He told me things, and I believed him. I tried to get the jewel but he crushed his feet on my hand. He took the jewel, leaving me on the grass to die. I was betrayed, dragging myself into the village to place my revenge on him.

But that was long ago, I never knew that Naraku ever exist and I will destroy him. When I got where the Goshinboku was, he had the jewel in his hands. I plan to seal him away on the Goshinboku for I, want him trapped in time forever.

I was able to seal him on that tree, my heart felt sad and betrayed. The wound was taking my life away; I believed what he said that day before. I told Kaede to burn my body with the jewel, never to be release in this world again. Then I died.

50 years later, the ogress Urasue revived me. When I was revive, I notice that Inuyasha there alive. I tried to avenge my death; my reincarnation took most of the souls that reside in me. Soon I care in a village, I was eating soul of dead woman. This disgusts me but I want my revenge badly, I confronted Inuyasha again with a little run in with my reincarnation.

She told me that a demon named Naraku pin us against each other, I didn't want to believe this but curiously got to me. I knew that Inuyasha cared for my rebirth as much as he did for me; I went to my sister who has aged 50 years about this Naraku. She told me that Onigumo was Naraku; I search for this 'Naraku'.

I was now tending to soldier who was injured in war; when I was send to see this 'lord'. His body was poisonous but I sense another presence in his body, but I know something is there. I was in that cave with demons that fought, gave 'Naraku' a new body, took the jewel from 'Kagome', and wandered off.

My intention's that Naraku collects all of the jewel shards, and I will obliterate him forever with the Shikon no Tama from the planet. Things seem to go by, I was helped my reincarnation if I'm in danger with her, which I don't understand why. And I met someone who had a connection with Onigumo, and almost killed by Naraku again and saved by Kagome. I must say I'm impressed, but I have no time for 'thank you' but to kill off Naraku.

Time stand still for me, day and night passes but I don't feel any of the days passing. Eating souls disgusts me but I have to kill off Naraku before resting in peace. I'm no longer the pure miko I once was. But a restless spirit that wanders the earth, seeking for peace.

Hate me for what I am, the tragic priestess who wanders in no end. I will not object if you hate me, I also hate what I become. But I just want to die peacefully in the afterlife; I don't want Inuyasha anymore for I am dead. I'm just wanted to tell things about Naraku and other claims I know. I accepted the relationships between Inuyasha and Kagome. I can't love ever again for I am…

Dead…

A/N: Did you understand or still confuse, I can read emotion you know. I think I know what she thinks or maybe so. I hope you don't hate Kikyou and I'm writing Kagome's too. So Kagome hater at least say she okay. I'm a Kikyou/Kagome lover and I'm signing out!


End file.
